


In Your Arms Again

by TheAngelofFate



Series: Noticing a lack of Philip and Alexander fics, so I’ve decided to rectify that [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex will move heaven and hell for his son, Alexander loves Philip very much, Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hugging, Hugs, Men Crying, Philip is his pride and joy, Tears, his son that outshines the morning sun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:33:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25374718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAngelofFate/pseuds/TheAngelofFate
Summary: When a child is out of your sight, when you can no longer see them. It fills a parent with a distinct fear, a fear that takes your breath away until you see them again. And at this moment, no knows that feeling ringing more true then Alexander and ElizaOr Philip, at age ten, gets lost in the vast streets of Trenton.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & Philip Hamilton (1782-1801), Alexander Hamilton & Robert Troup, Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Series: Noticing a lack of Philip and Alexander fics, so I’ve decided to rectify that [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838194
Comments: 1
Kudos: 51





	In Your Arms Again

It had been a calm day in New York when Alexander got the notice. The sun had risen in the sky, as a soft breeze blew through the trees, blew through the open window of his office, jostling some parchment he had laying on his desk absently. His vision blurred, taking off his glasses, he rubbed at his eyes to clear away the exhaustion he felt when he heard a knock at the door, for a moment he thought if he remained as silent as possible that whoever was choosing to bother him would then leave. But when the knocking persisted, Alexander let out an exasperated sigh and stood from his chair.

He let out a grunt of pain, as his back popped and his shoulders ached at having been subjected to the same position for six hours straight. But he, nevertheless pushed through the discomfort and made his way downstairs towards the door. Eliza had long since left with Angie and little Alex, partly due of the fact that she concluded that pregnant or not, their children were due for some fresh air. She also informed him, that it was also for Alexander's benefit, so that he can have the peace and quiet he needed to do his work. He lovingly kissed her at that, knowing he didn't deserve her, but loving her anyway.

So, she left, leaving him alone.

And because of that, he knew it wasn't his beloved wife at the door. No, she would have simply come in as silently as possible with their two children in hand. The person who was knocking at the door seemed urgent to get inside. Stopping at the door, Alexander turned the handle and saw his clerk standing there, looking hesitant. "Evening, sir." The young man said, but before Alexander could even give a replay the man was speaking once again, "Sir, I regret having to tell you this, but you received word from Trenton."

Alexander furrowed his brow in response to that. He watched as his young clerk shoved his hands into his pockets, remaining there as he stood in the doorway. "Sir, from what the headmaster said. It appears that your son hadn't shown up for lights out."

He blinked, surprised.

_Pip?_

That didn't sound his son at all, even as a child Philip always made sure to be one time for anything that was required of him, sometimes even showing up earlier then expected. Even at age ten he did his very best to be a well-mannered boy

"Sir, he's been missing since last night."

A cold sense of dread washed over him.

"Has he been sighted since?" His legs close to buckling, his heart raced so fast he heard it in his ears. "Has _anyone_ seen him?"

"Not to my knowledge, sir."

An instinct overtook him, a powerful unyielding instinct grasped hold of him and wouldn't let go. Heart pounding, he let out a rushed breath, he needed to go, he needed to head for Trenton now. For the streets of their beloved New York City were vast and great, but also dangerous given the area. "I have to… I have to tell go, tell Eliza—"

At that moment, someone called his name, turning he saw his wife practically running down the street, Alex in her arms and Angie running right beside her. "Alexander!"

One look at the expression she wore, told him she knew the knowledge of their son disappearing. He broke into a run, meeting her halfway, his clerk right on his heels. "Betsey!" His hands went straight to her shoulders and he squeezed them, softly, trying not to hurt her but also trying to keep himself upright as he looked into her eyes. "Pip, he's—"

She nodded frantically, "I know, I didn't know if you knew so we came to get you." In his grip, he realized quickly that her body was trembling.

"Mama, what's wrong?"

They both looked down at Angie, who looked back at them with confusion and fear, indicating that she didn't know what happening, only that it was something bad. And as mature as their darling daughter was at only age eight, they noticed rarely early how sensitive she was. They knew if she knew the truth, that her beloved big brother was missing, she'd likely have a panic attack. Eliza leaned over and stroked Angie's hair and offered her a tight smile, trying so very hard to hide her emotions and the fear she held. "Nothing, sweetheart, we just had a bit of a scare. Everything's fine."

In her arms Alex gave a cry, sensing the tension around them, and buried his face into Eliza's neck. They locked eyes once more, a single silent moment passed between the couple. Alexander felt his heart pang when he witnesses tears fill his wife's eyes, as they both realized that she couldn't come with him to help find their boy.

Eliza gazed at him, lip trembling, using one arm, she wrapped her husband in a hug and whispered in his ear. "Find him."

His voice caught in his throat, he swallowed thickly and nodded, giving her a single squeeze before letting go and moving for James to signal a coach.

* * *

His pulse was racing, his heart hammering, a million thoughts rushed through his head as his sat in the coach heading towards Trenton. Going over every possibility in his head on what happened to Philip during the time of last night and now. And the more he thought about it the more it made his stomach churn. As the carriage jostled from side to side, He leaned his head forward, pressing his elbows against his legs and rested his forehead against his hands. _Please, please,_ he begged, pleaded to whoever was listening. Almost wishing that, as much as it would hurt, that Pip just ran away, no longer being able to take the pressure of the school, _anything_ was better then the alternative that was constantly playing in his head on loop.

Eventually the carriage come to a stop, and Alexander wasted no time in throwing the door open and practically jumping outside. He stood there among the ever-growing crowd going about their lives, when his eyes fell on Robert Troup who was standing on the walkway, out of the way from everyone else. Troup eyes fell on him, he waved him, over, his usual friendly greeting now replaced with a frown. Reality suddenly seemed to register within his brilliant mind, and it all but slammed into him, his son was missing.

His darling Pip.

Hamilton pushed through the crowd, reaching out his hand and grasped his friend's elbow. He tried to speak, tried to voice a coherent sentence but all that came out was a gasp. Troup returned the gestured and held him upright. "Easy, Ham." His friend said in a hushed tone, "You'll faint if you don't breathe."

Alexander shook his head, "I'll breathe once I have my son in my arms." He let Troup lead him out of the way of the bystanders passing by and oversteps to his flat, Inglis following close behind.

"You are no good to your boy if you collapsed from exertion, _breath_ Hammy."

Reluctantly, Hamilton did as he was told, he slumped against the steps of Robert's flat and placed his head between his legs. And tried to do breathe, but every time he inhaled, he found just how difficult it was to do so. Every second that ticked Pip could be in danger, every second that ticked by was another second where Alexander couldn't breathe. "Where's my son...? My dear friend, where is my son?" His eyes pleaded with Robert, as if his friend had the power to miraculously make his boy appear right in front of him.

Troup gave him a look of helplessness. "I don't know."

"Would you like me to ask around, air?" James inquired, softly "See if anyone has caught sight of him?"

Hamilton ran a hand through his long hair, he gripped the ends of a few strands and pulled. "Please, find out what you can."

His clerk bowed to him and raced off down the street.

Alexander watched him leave, still staring at the spot where he had been before his gaze fell to his feet. Then he felt a hand grip his shoulder, "We'll find him,"

He blinked slowly, throat constricting, "He must be so scared, Troup."

Then he felt that same hand, pull him to his feet, looking up he saw Troup staring at him, "C'mon, Ham. Don't fall apart yet, your boy needs you. Like you said, breath until you find him, right?"

_Until he's in your arms_

"Okay." Swallowing thickly, Alexander nodded, "Okay."

"Where do you want to look?"

Pushing the hair out of his face, he steeled himself, "Everywhere."

They looked through every alleyway, around every street corner, asked everyone they could get the attention of, then those people asked around, and then those as well, soon they had a small little army combing through the streets of Trenton, looking for the Treasury Secretary's son. One would think that would be enough, having twenty plus civilians to his aid. They spent half the day searching, they searched until the sun went down and the streetlamps were lite. They all gave him their condolences, give him their wishes and prayers that they find him soon, and retired home.

But not Alexander, _no_. He still searched, as dead on his feet as he was, he refused to stop. He wouldn't stop, would not stop until he had Pip safe in his arms again. It was not until he nearly collapsed to his knees from exhaustion, where he was being led back to Robert's where he have no choice but to retire himself.

"We can still keep looking," He tried, weakly

Troup's hand pushed him forward, as he sagged into himself, his heart aching, not relenting in the slightest. "Easy, Alex. You'll faint if you keep this up."

Hamilton shook his head, feeling as those he aged ten years in a matter of hours. Stubborn, and guilt ridden, he didn't want to stop, he had to keep looking, "We have to find him, every second, every hour matters. You know that."

Troup sighed, shaking his head, "You'll be no use to him dead on your feet, Hammy." But the guilt gnawed at him, sunk its claws deep into his heart, making him nauseous.

He couldn’t breathe 

"It's my fault."

"Ham, _don't—"_

Alexander stopped in his tracks, planting his feet firmly on the ground, rooted to the spot, "I promised him, when he left, he'd be _safe_." He ran a distressed hand through his unkempt hair and tugged. "I sent my boy to a school so far from home, so sure he'd be alright. Because why wouldn't he? I'm such a fool."

"You wanted to give him an education, as any father would—"

"That doesn't matter now! I just want him…" His eyes burned, his chest ached, breathing hitched, painful. "I want him _here_."

His friend looked to be at a loss for words, at the distress on Alexander's face. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Then a voice called out, drawing them back to reality. "Sirs!" They turned and saw James Inglis running towards them, "Sirs, I found him!" And there in his arms, clinging to the younger man for dear life, was Philip.

A choked noise erupted from Alexander's throat, followed by an a emotional, cry of his son's name, as he bolted forward like a bat out of hell, "Pip!"

Pip heard his father's call and his head jerked towards him. " _Papa_!" He watched as his son, jerked out of James' grip and hit the ground running. Practically jumping into his father's waiting arms, the force of it knocked Alexander backwards and he fell on his backside. He wrapped his arms around his son and clung, and clung and _clung_ , until he was sure he was cutting off Pip's air supply but even then, he didn't stop.

A wail escaped him, as he ran his hand through his son's hair, bringing him that much closer, and buried his face into Pip's shoulder. "Pip!" He gasped out, sobbing in earnest. "Oh, my darling…my sweet boy! Thank goodness, _thank goodness_ …"

He could breathe again

 _Thank you,_ He sent a prayer of unyielding gratitude to God himself for bring his son back to him safely. _Thank you…_

"Papa…" Philip clung to Alexander, tiny hands digging into fabrics of his father's coat, he whole frame trembling, though from the cold or the trauma he'd been through, Alexander had no idea. "Papa! I'm sorry, Papa! I got lost, I-I couldn't find my way b-back and I… I'm sorry."

Was it possible for his heart to hurt from relief but still hold that notion of fear? He pressed Philip further to him, stroking the nap of his neck, placing a gentle kiss to his son's temple. "Shh…" He soothed softly, "Shh, I know. _Shh_ , it's alright, I'm here, my lamb, Papa's here."

He felt a hand on his back, "C'mon, Hammy. Let's get him out of the cold."

Every muscle screamed at Alexander to remain exactly where he was, he wanted nothing more then to simply stay here on the ground holding his child and never letting him go ever again. But his rational, parental instinct told him to move, they were too exposed out here in the dark with the streetlamps flickering ever so gently, Philip needed to be in a safe environment, so that they can both breathe.

With Philip securely in his arms, Hamilton stood up and looked towards Inglis, "Where did you find him?"

James turned behind him and pointed down the street. "A few miles of here, I was just about to come find you, sir. He must have known my voice for he came running towards him, when I was a few steps out."

Philip whimpered against him, wrapping his legs around his father waist, and sobbed. "Shh, love. I'm here." Deciding to drop the subject and focus on Pip. "I'm taking him home. Betsey needs to know he's safe."

Inglis bowed, left, and brought the carriage a few moments later.

Alexander tried to place Philip inside the carriage but found that his boy had a death grip on him. So he turned to Troup and smiled at him, his eyes filled with gratitude, holding his hand out for his friend to take. "My dear Troup, I can not express the thanks I feel towards yourself and James for helping me."

"A vast body of water filled to the brim with creatures couldn't keep me away from helping my dearest friend." Robert tightly, grasped his hand with his own and nodded at him, eyeing Philip with a soft smile, and thumped Alexander on the back. While Inglis gave him yet another bow. "Write to me, when you and your boy are well and safely home." And with one final clap on the back and a smile, Troup waved goodbye as Alexander stepped inside the carriage.

For the first few moments, there was silence. Philip was still shaking, tiny frame trembling, as the sobs continued without any sign of stopping. Alexander rubbed his back, softly moving his hand in circular motions, trying to calm him. "Pip, my boy." He murmured into those curly dark locks. "You must breathe, or you'll surely be pulled into hysterics."

"Papa.."

He kissed his temple. "Yes, I'm here, lamb."

" _Papi_."

Alexander blinked, his eyes burning, heart aching. "Here, my Pip. _Je vous, je vous aime…_ With every part of me." And he did, he loved him. Alexander loved him, his other children, and Betsey so much that at times he thought his heart would burst.

 _"Je ne veux pas y retourner, s'il vous plaît…"_ The fear in Philip's voice was clear, as the boy buried his face into the fabric of Alexander's coat. " _Je suis une déception, un échec! Désolé... Désolé!_ "

_Disappointment_

_Failure_

His son shouldn't even know the meaning of those words, let alone call himself one. James Hamilton had been those things; Alexander remembered his brother had spouted this whenever Alexander had asked him why he left them and their mother. Jamie simply stated that their father didn't want them anymore and therefore failed them as their parent, who was supposed to stay no matter what, like their mother had before sick claimed her.

And to think his son felt such a way, when he simply did something that every child goes through, the thought boggled him. Had Alexander really set his son with such high stakes Philip truly felt like a failure?

Gently, he pulled back and looked into Pip's tear-stricken face, saw the fear, the pain and self-deprecation and his heart shattered, tears spilling down his cheeks. " _Oh, mon agneau…_ Failure? Disappointment? My Pip, never, _never_." He cupped Philip's cheeks and wiped away the tears cascading down his face. "You, your siblings, and your mother are my treasures. There is _nothing_ you could ever do that would ever make me think less of the brilliant boy I know you are. If you so desire to leave, then you never have to go there again."

Philip's face crumbled within seconds, he fell forward and sobbed, and Alexander held him through it, his own tears mingling in the stubble on his face. Letting out a slow, hitched breathe. " _Tu es mon soleil, mon seul rayon de soleil.._ " He sang the melody his mother sang to him and his brother as kids, and the very same one Betsey sang to himself and their children. " _Vous me rendre heureux quand le ciel est gris._ " He rocked Pip back and forth in his arms as he sang softly, " _You don't know, dear. How much I love you_." and God is the words weren't truer in this moment, he loved Pip with everything he had, there was not a corner in his heart where he didn't love his family with everything he had to give.

" _Je t'aime, Papi_." Pip murmured, softly, clinging to him like a baby animal. " _Je t'aime,_ "

Alexander closed his and gently laid them both down on the soft cushion of the carriage, this time as he hummed the lullaby and kissed the crown on his son's head. "My Pip, my beautiful boy, I love you too."

He could breathe again

And by the time they returned home, hours later, Eliza will find them fast asleep, curled in each other's embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> So with Hamilton being released on Disney+, and having seen it after never thinking that I would, unsurprisingly, my love for the show has sparked anew within me. And here I am after almost being three year since my last Hamilton fic, writing for it once again.
> 
> And like before I am still astounding there aren't hardly any fics with Alexander and Philip at the center. Like this boy was Alex's pride and joy? He loved all his children equally but Pip? He loved him so much, and his death destroyed Alexander and Eliza simultaneously. How is there hardly any fics of them and their boy? So I have, for as long as my hyperfixation let's me remain in the Hamilton fandom, will rectify that.
> 
> Anywoo, for those that do happen to read this, a penny for your thoughts? Feedback down below is always welcomed and appreciated and I will hopefully see you all next time.


End file.
